Forbidden Fruit

Me : So how is it in the hospital? must be full fun na..
Friend : No yaar, gets boring max times.. we're not allowed to do anything major, just assist the docs.. (talks more similar stuff, indicating that internship in a hospital is not really that much fun!)
Me : So what exactly do you do these days?
Friend : I'm posted in anaesthesia, so we have to watch in the OT (operation theatre) how they induce it etc..
Me : Wow.. you know what - I have this crazy fantasy of going inside an OT someday!
Friend : Do you wanna come? You can come till I have my posting! My last day of posting is on Saturday, so this is really your last chance of doing something like this!
(There was a wide 100W smile on her face! And no, she wasn't insane!)
Me : Are you mad?! I mean, you can't really just take anyone inside the operation theatre, can you?!
Friend : Arre it's ok, no one cares! If anyone asks, just say you're an intern or extern, and they won't ask anything else!
Me : But they know you all, and so they'll easily know if someone is extra na? And what if they ask me to pass something to them - I don't even know the instruments and other stuff you use! They'll easily make out something is wrong! What if they ask for ID?
Friend : Arre no one is bothered, the docs and assistants are doing the surgery, and we'll just stay a bit back, and they rarely ask for our help - interns are not valued much re, so we're just watching things only, not doing anything at all - we read books, msg etc, inside the OT, so it's all a relaxed environment!
Me : But if they find out something like this, we both will be in trouble yaar!
Friend : They won't find out, and if they do, max they'll kick you out! Just stick with me, and do everything I do and nothing will happen.. My batch mate has smuggled one non-medico inside once before also!
Me : oh.. let's see..
(Except for the language and detailing, the convo is pretty accurate to what took place!)

This conversation took place between a medico friend and me last Wednesday. This was big - she was offering to covertly sneak me into an OT! Too tempting to resist; I did give in!

Yesterday morning, as decided, I met her at the hospital gate, and we drove inside, parked, and were walking towards the hospital building. In 10 mins, I was in a corridor, leading towards the OT area. We removed our shoes, and she took me to the MOT - some place where they just dump their bags, have cupboards etc - sort of like a retirement room. So far so good - in case someone doubted me, I could still just say that I've come to meet my friend and cook up some explanation as to why I was meeting her in the MOT and not the canteen! She then asked me to wait while she arranged for the OT gown, mask, cap and slippers. Ironically, and conveniently, all this became my cover for sneaking inside, rather than the patient's protection against infection! Now I was fitting in the crowd - no one could even see my face, and I could easily pass off as one of the interns. I just had to keep my mouth shut, and stay behind the crowd with my friend.


Then the guided tour started. We went straight inside an OT where a surgery was in progress. I was bit unsure at first, but everything was more reassuring in a few minutes. The surgeon and his team were quietly doing their job, the nurse assisting them, few interns simply sitting in some corner chatting, talking and texting on their phones etc.. It was true - no one cared or even noticed my presence! My friend and a couple of her friends started discussing something about the surgery and why it was done etc (there was a hilarious turn of understanding in some time, read ahead) She then told them I was a non-medico and they gave a surprised "aha?!" smile! I clicked a few pics of the room with my cell. I was watching the surgery on the LCD on the far wall, and at times going closer to the table and looking at it. I then asked my friend what it was all about. She said it was a vaginoplasty and that they were repairing and reconstructing that area etc.

Then after a while we went to the adjacent OT, where some poor guy was being operated upon for oral cancer or something, and they were operating his mouth and lip area. Funny part is, there was music playing in the OT - yes, music! either the radio or someone's cellphone was singing some hep hindi song! I couldn't resist laughing behind my mask!

We returned to the first OT. My friend and her colleagues picked up the case file and again started discussing something in little-understandable medico lingo! She came laughing towards me and spilt out the new understanding - the patient was a guy (!), who had testosterone intolerance, and hence his male organs were removed, and now they were constructing a vagina! She said even she hadn't seen such an operation before, and it was uncommon, if not very rare.

After sometime we went to see a couple of other patients being given anaesthesia prior to the surgery. One of them was an old woman and the other a young man. On the whole, the experience was great! One of the reasons, admittedly, is also that few people get to see the inside of an OT unless they are on the table themself (!), or are of medico background. Indeed forbidden fruit is sweetest!

Prayer to the rain gods!!

Firstly, for the record, I stand on the thin line between a theist and an atheist, or am rather an agnostic. (I'll leave it up to you to wiki for these terms!) However, I do have one strong prayer to make - to the rain gods, if any - please run a vacuum cleaner in the sky, for astronomers all over the world, amateur and professionals alike, would like to enjoy a grand celestial show this month! (Yes, of course the solar eclipse!)

This eclipse is the longest total solar eclipse that will occur in the 21st century, and will not be surpassed in duration until June 13, 2132.
The following is part of a pdf on NASA's website, showing the path of totality over a small part of western India, near Mumbai (click to enlarge). The totality band is around 250 km in width, and the time of totality increases as one approaches the central line of eclipse.
(Similar maps for other areas can be downloaded from NASA's website)

I am very excited about this eclipse, as it would be my first total solar eclipse; if the clouds don't decide to screw it up completely that is! To watch totality, a few friends from college and I are planning to go to a friend's home town, Nandurbar. It is supposedly a dry place year round, and does not receive heavy rainfall in the monsoon. Latest updates are that the sky is still pretty clear there, but we are all keeping our fingers crossed!

Forgiven, Not Forgotten

During 11th and 12th, or rather while preparing for the IIT-JEE, we had a great group of friends; still are, just that we have all scattered into different colleges and can't meet so often etc. Anyhow, back then, after we were done with all our exams, some of us had gone to Solapur for a few days, upon Abha's insistence, to stay at her place and have fun! We sure had a lot of it, and just one of those cool things was her brother showing us videos of a band- 'The Corrs'. We had all heard them for the first time, and more or less everyone liked it; the guys can attribute part of the liking to the pretty girls in the band! I recall vividly how Piyusha, Abha and I had instantly loved a couple of songs like 'So young' and 'Toss The Feathers'! Abha had probably heard them before, but was equally enthu this time around!

After the trip, I used to enjoy a few songs by the band, but didn't much care to listen carefully to their other songs. Today, about three years later, while simply trying to listen to 'different' songs than I usually enjoy, I came across a few more good songs by the same band. One of them, which I find very apt somehow, and people close to me will agree, is called 'Forgiven, Not Forgotten'.





(Yes, all the girls are pretty! The one singing is my favourite though!)

The lyrics are not much fancy, yet strike a chord, and the music is a bit soft in the beginning but picks up well after the first stanza.

All alone, staring on
Watching her life go by
When her days are grey
And her nights are black
Different shades of mundane
And the one-eyed furry toy that lies upon the bed
Has often heard her cry
And heard her whisper out a name long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're not forgotten

A bleeding heart torn apart
Left on an icy grave
In their room where they once lay
Face to face
Nothing could get in their way
But now the memories of the man are haunting her days
And the craving never fades
She's still dreaming of the man long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're not forgotten

Still alone, staring on
Wishing her life goodbye
As she goes searching for the man long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
.
.
.
You're not forgotten,
You're not forgotten,
No, you're not forgotten.

Everybody Lies...

The title is a quote from the famous American TV series, 'House MD'. It comes from the central character, Dr. House, who is portrayed as a genius yet totally misanthropic doctor. The other characters also have very strong and individualistic personality traits, yet everything seems to fit in very well! The series is basically a medical drama, with each episode involving an intriguing case which otherwise seems to be unsolvable. Also, as expected, the characters evolve and inter-relationships are developed throughout the course of the series.

Although all the characters have admirable qualities, the icing on the cake is House. He is shown to be mostly void of emotions; or at least prefers not to show them. He is unmoved by other people's, specially his patients', pain, grief etc. He also behaves secluded, and shows as if he is immune to pain - both physical and psychological, although he suffers from both!

Undoubtedly, after watching a little over hundred episodes (over five seasons) you tend to develop a connection with the characters - you tend to rather find connections within the characters. Least of it, even if you aren't obsessed with it, you can't help overstepping the thin line of believing that what you see is just a fictitious concoction. Of late, I've started admiring the character of House, and wondering how peaceful it would be to simply cut off contact with one's feelings and desires. However, 'simply' isn't all that simple after all! Or maybe I just owe this feeling to the roller-coaster of thoughts clouded in my head over the past few months!

Drama in the wild...

Following are episodes from my recent visit to Tadoba National Park, 625 sq km of protected forest, under the Project Tiger Reserve.
(Click here to see the entire album of photos)

Episode One:

It was around 5:30 pm. We had just arrived at Tadoba that afternoon, and it was our first safari. After seeing some of the more common animals and birds, all of us were wishing for the sight we came all this way for - a tiger in the wild.

The driver and guide took us to a part of the forest which was a common spot for tiger sighting, owing to the little greenery and shade left there (it was peak summer) and also a small puddle of water. As we were driving past the area very quietly, each one scanning the bamboo for any movement, we heard a high pitched sound - the alert call of a Sambar. The driver immediately slowed further and the guide quickly drew our attention to something in the trees, something we all strained our eyes to see and finally the shape was clear - it was a kill; a dead Sambar. The guide told us that the tiger would be close by, guarding it's kill, and would head to the water now that it was exhausted chasing its prey. Soon all other jeeps arrived at the spot, and everyone was very quiet, with all engines switched off. There were more callings of the Sambars - alerting each one in the area of the assassin!

Finally after sometime we got the first glimpse of a pattern of black stripes, perfectly camouflaged in the trees - it was a tiger, approaching the waterhole as expected. Much later, it came out of the cover and we could see her face.

It was a female, as explained later by the famous ornithologist and wildlife expert, Mr. Kiran Purandare. Notice that the face is slightly oblong (not very round and flat) and the absence of frill around the face - these are ways to distinguish between male and female.
After coming out a bit in the open, she went and sat in a sort of private area, near the waterhole. We were all very excited, and wished she would come out again. Soon enough, she emerged out of her hiding, giving us a nice photo shoot!



The entire episode lasted about half an hour, and after giving us this confident look, she went deeper into the forest, out of our sight within minutes.

PS : The brightness of the photos is intentionally not increased much, to preserve the original experience.

Episode Two:

It was Day 2, around 6:30 am. Early in the morning, at first we were greeted by a beautiful peacock dance! However, we didn't spend much time there and were on our way ahead, when we saw something very interesting - a sloth bear, out in an open field!

It was breakfast time (not us, the bear!) and the bear seemed to be very playful about the whole act of finding and feeding on it's favourite dish - termites! Actually the bear seems to be almost smiling if you observe the partially open mouth!

It was totally unaware of (or atleast showed as if it didn't care about!) our presence, and was just running around, sniffing the ground with it's ultra sensitive nose. As soon as it found something interesting it stopped and bent down to feed. Within seconds it would again continue with the running around; we took it as a dance put up for us!


We all took plenty of photos, did some video shooting, and then finally left to proceed ahead. Our friend was still in a happy mood, running around on his playground!

Episode Three:

This happened a few hours after episode two, ie around 9.30 am. While passing another common tiger-sighting spot, we heard successive calls of Sambars. There wasn't any visible prey, but sure enough a tiger was close by.

This was the longest we had to wait to see a tiger; for almost an hour we were just sitting quietly in our jeep, listening to the alert calls and anticipating where the tiger would emerge from. There was a waterhole and for sure it would come out and drink at it, the question was only 'when?'! Sometime in between the forest department's tanker came by to refill the waterhole (there are many artificial waterholes by the roadside that are filled regularly in the summer to provide water to the animals and birds in the scorching heat) and this created additional disturbance. It meant the tiger would only take longer to come out in the open.

The patience paid off; he finally came out to drink and cool himself! Notice the round face and frill around the face, indicating a male.

However, there was a series of quite understandable thoughts in his mind, which were as follows. As soon as he came out, he saw jeeps full of people at a distance, waiting and climbing on seats to have a better look. As he approached the waterhole, he started shying away.

We were all sulking, about how a great opportunity was lost. But this was not to be the case. As he neared the forest line, he changed his mind again! He turned towards the waterhole, and gave us that same confident look!

(The above photo is different from the first photo in this episode! The intentions are the same though - it's clear who's the boss here!)

The adult male finally came to the waterhole to have a dip and sip.

He settled in, and quickly gave a few poses, before he felt uncomfortable (maybe due to so much human presence) and left the open waterhole to return to his forest.


The whole event unfolded before our eyes in less than a minute flat! A friend had taken a video clip, which actually has continuous clicks - clicks of my cam's shutter going off; I took close to 30 photos within that minute! 18 of the best are finally retained, and are there in the complete album.

Episode Four:

This is a very small episode, bringing out the livelihood or rather dynamism of the smaller world. Just after the tiger from the above episode left the scene, our attention was drawn to some movement on the ground, very close to our jeep. A chameleon was posing proudly!

The chameleon then went for a quick bite. Its prey seemed to be fighting for life, but was no match to the sheer strength of this reptile!



As expected, this entire action took place within a minute, but we were lucky enough to be very close to it to see it from start to finish!

चार ओळी (४)...

रंगं सावरलेस हरकत नाही...
चित्र रंगवलेस कधी, विसरू नकोस...
वाट सोडलीस हरकत नाही...
वाट पाहतं कोणी, विसरू नकोस!

-अभि

चार ओळी (३)...

ऐकत रहावेसे वाटे जेव्हा...
बोलतेस सारे जपून-जपून...
चिंब भिजावेसे वाटे तेव्हा...
पाऊसही पडतो मोजून-मापून!

-अभि

Trek to Torna

Few days back, an email initiated by greysith was doing the rounds of inboxes of almost all active members of the college astronomy club. The content was simple - proposal for a trek; one day return / overnight, depending upon the crowd. As an avid trekker in the Sahyadris we had falconer, who suggested "Torna". He has himself been there 3-4 times (maybe even more!) and I had been there a couple of times (not very significant since he easily outranks me as a trekker!)
After much addition / subtraction to the list of people, we were finally down to seven guys, and had five bikes amongst us. Also, due to the widely accepted 'girl-girl affinity' which is very high in such situations (I'd call it "girls of any feather flock together!") all the girls from our group eventually chickened out! (alternate debated variations to this - 1)girls' version : nothing like that, we just had our own individual bindings... 2)enthu's version : abba, 'coz of your foot-in-mouth disease all girls are out! lol... 3)greysith's version : (nodding to enthu in approval) ya! lol...)

So, as per plan we all met early morning in our college. By early I mean 6.30 am, +/- everyone's deviation, ranging from falconer's '-10 mins' to...well, not-to-mention's '+30 mins'! The five of us with bikes (greysith, falconer, moiyyad, nikkit and I) were to roll off from college together, and pick up the two pillions (enthu and vrd) on our way out of the city.

Primary destination : One Mr. Lole's farm, in a village called 'Nasrapur' (where we usually hold star parties for college students and general public).
Distance : 50 km from college.
Secondary destination : A village called 'Velhe', which is at the base of the hill atop which is built the prestigious fort Torna.
Distance : 20 km from the farm.

The ride to Nasrapur was simply amazing, mostly on the Mumbai-Bangalore Highway, NH4 and partly on a small diversion off it. The cavalry consisted of an Appache (greysith riding, enthu pillion), a Gladiator (falconer ridding, vrd pillion initially), a Flame I think (nikkit riding, vrd pillion later on), a Passion / Splendor (moiyyad riding) and a Bullet (my machine). After reaching the farm and one glass of sweet tea down, we started for Velhe. We left greysith's bike at the farm for lack of fuel (he hopped on as my pillion and enthu shifted to another bike). The road to Velhe was a beautiful, torturous country road, with occasional bullock carts and villagers carrying haystacks, to add to the effect! Finally after reaching Velhe we parked our bikes at Mr. Lole's contact's place. Our trek began.

With falconer leading the way and me sticking near the tail end, we all trekked up the very same hill that the great Maratha warriors once climbed. After two hours of climbing, with few halts in between and around two-three litres of water down everyone's stomach, we reached the top. Snacks and lunch was finished with delight after a big appetite! Later on few settled for a nap and the rest went on to explore the fort. After an hour or so we were also up on our feet, wandering around, clicking photos and taking in the nice breeze. Some of the photos I clicked, including two stitched panoramas (each one of 3-4 photos) which I found worth keeping after processing, are pasted below.

Panorama 1

Panorama 2

Fortification facing ridge going to Rajgad (Budhla Machi I guess)

Behind, from left : vrd, greysith, moiyyad
In front, from left : falconer, me, enthu, nikkit

Someone who posed for us, but flew off by the time I could change lens and get a better photo!

Earlier, right after lunch we had realised that we were almost out of water and would have to fill up our bottles somewhere on the fort. There was a small tank of water, not surprisingly the home of tadpoles and their friends, and if that wasn't enough, appearing green because of the thick algae at the base of the tank. Greysith and I proudly filtered around six bottles of water using nothing but a hanky! The water was free from major suspended particles, and didn't taste so much bad either! This would be my second time of filtering and drinking "green water" atop a fort (proudly again!).

Photos clicked, bottles filled up and with a sense of accomplishment, we all started our way down. Just as we were exiting one of the gates of the fort, enthu started a 'ghoshana' and falconer and I strengthened it, with everyone joining in chorus, to let the Sahyadris know that the great Maratha warrior Shivaji Bhosle shall always be remembered for generations to come.
Maharaj, Praudh pratap purandar,
Kshatriya kulavatauns, Gobrahman pratipalak,
Sihasanadhishwar, Maharajadhiraj,
Chatrapati Shri Shivaji Maharaj ki... Jai!
Jai Bhavani! Jai Shivaji!
Jai Shivaji! Jai Bhavani!
Hara-hara Mahadev!

We traced our path back and were at the base in just over an hour. Riding back was equally fun, but almost all were now tired and hungry! On our way back, after a while, greysith and I swapped seats and he tried the Bullet. We swapped again after sometime and finally reached the farm. We were welcomed with tea and 'jambhul' which I must say were refreshing! Our host made us feel comfortable on his farm on a mat with blankets. At around 9 pm we sat for dinner- a very typical yet delicious dinner of 'pithla-bhakri' along with potato gravy and rice. Soon after, we were in bed, chit-chatting and later falling asleep under the sky. We had originally thought we would get to see a brilliantly starlit sky and possibly also do a bit of astrophotography, but the clouds had something else in mind. It was so overcast that we could barely see a few constellations and even all the stars of any single one! Greysith did try to photograph something despite the odds, but I'm not sure what he managed to get. In all, it was a great trek, and a great trip with friends. We got up in the morning, and again after a glass of tea (not so sweet this time; we had requested that after the first tea itself!) hit the road to head back home.

This time, however, every kilometer of NH4 flooded my mind with memories... memories of my bus journey from B'lore to Pune, on the last day of the last year that went by... memories best left out of this post..

Street Photography...

Streaks - 1

Streaks - 2

Streaks - 3

Blurred reality...

Some very fine expressions...

Face of rural India...

Earning bread and butter...

Why do girls need all this??!!

Really girls, do you need all of this??!!

Last evening Falconer and I decided to go out for some street photography. I had always been wanting to photograph random photos of scenes on the street, and portraits of people. Also I had been very attracted of taking one particular night photo, of "streaks" of vehicle lights, at low shutter speeds. Falconer had a great suggestion - to take this very photo around a busy intersection in the city, which also has a brilliant statue of Sambhaji Maharaj, the great Maratha Ruler. This is what I ended up capturing; through my proud possession, Canon 350D, with an 18-55 mm lens on.
The streaks were taken on a 10 sec exposure.

चार ओळी (२)...

लय श्वासाची किंचित वाढते...
डोळे भरून येतात हळूवार...
स्पर्श तुझा मग छेडून जातो...
पण मिठीत फक्त वारा उरतो!

-अभि

चार ओळी (१)...

आठवणी या अशाच असतात...
सुंदर स्वप्नापरी एखाद्या...
क्षणात मन हे बिलगून जाते...
आठवणीच होत्या, हे नंतर स्मरते!

-अभि

A Cold Shower...

Tired mind...
Body pushing...
An ache within...
Feelings numb...

Gloomy air...
Sun up high...
Mercury soaring...
The passion neigh...

Summer afternoon...
Mind racing...
Thoughts in overdrive...
Nothing to soothe...

Ah there it is...
But one haven...
Now I smile...
A cold noon shower...

Hit the tap...
Energy gushing...
Shooting pulse...
Body flinching...

Eyes shut...
Ever so tight...
Flashing memories...
Lights so bright...

Don't want it to stop...
Fears washing away...
Palms now open...
Pain taken away...

I've let it all go...
Curtains raised...
Off burning eyes...
They're cold now...

Now I stand...
In the cold shower...
Cleansing soul...
Rejuvenating...

Blood pumping...
Breath so loud...
A cold noon shower...
Intoxicating... Euphoric...

-abhi

खेळ नियतीचे...

अंतरे देखिल थकली आता...
नजर देखिल वळली आता...
खंत कुठेतरी मनात फक्त...
बाकी मन देखिल कोरं आता!

गाव सोडताना मात्र उद्या...
घे बरोबर नक्की सारे...
वस्तू नको अजून आता...
आठवणीच तेवढ्या पुरे!

काळ कधीच थांबत नाही...
वाट कुठलीच सांगत नाही...
भाव कितीही मनात दडले...
खेळ नियतीचे कुणास टळले!

-अभि

माझाच मी...

ढग मिटून आलेले पाहतो मी...
त्यातील छेदणारा किरण दिसतो तो त्याला!

दिवसानंतरची रात्र पाहतो मी...
पहाटेचा सूर्योदय दिसतो तो त्याला!

पश्चिमेवर हरवलेले रंग शोधतो मी...
माझ्यातून हरवलेला मी दिसतो तो त्याला!

शेवटी हसतो मन सावरून मी...
आता रडू येतं ते फक्त त्याला!

-अभि

Acceptance...

Though a widely and commonly felt emotion like many others, grief is one of the most difficult ones to comprehend. It is the fundamental functioning of the mind which affects the thought of analysing its very state. After all, grief, as we all have experienced some or the other time, is a state of the mind. This is contrary to any literary or figurative implication that emotions arise in the heart.

When we experience any deep emotion, our body undergoes a deviation of behaviour from the normal stable state. This deviation can manifest in several ways, most noticeably as increased heart rate and rapid breathing, while more subtly as reduced white blood cell count, increased brain activity, dilation or constriction of the pupils etc. It is quite possible that the increase in heart rate being the most noticeable effect, people have associated emotions with the heart, since the beginning of civilisation.

Coming back to grief (although not such a pleasant returning!), there is something very unusual, although special about this emotion. Grief, or emotional pain, in the extreme of cases, is encountered or perceived in stages. Probably the most well known of these is from the Kubler-Ross model, which identifies five discrete stages of grief.
These stages are:
Denial (This can't be true, it can't happen...)
Anger (Why me, what have I done to deserve...)
Bargaining (I'll never behave such and such if only this time things change...)
Depression (To hell with it, I don't care; life sucks...)
Acceptance (What has happened has happened, I have to move on...)

Not everyone passes through these in the same order, and not everyone may experience all of these either. But if we try and recollect our experience of grief (again not such a pleasant thing to do!), not surprisingly, it fits quite well. The important thing is that the sooner we try to reach the last stage, the better we can handle the experience. It's useless, practically speaking, to remain in any stage before this. Then again, since when were emotions practical, ever?!

When in a state of depression, it usually helps to talk; to talk with someone we can confide in; to talk with someone we know cares. There's a downside to this, although few may admit it; that it makes us even more vulnerable. It makes us vulnerable in the sense we have lost our footing. We are no longer the secure and firm individual, but rather a cripple with an "outside" support. When the feeling is within us, we may choose to deny it, to hide it, to try and cope with it. When the feeling is expressed, it means we have lost the ability to deal with it, to accept it.

However, in times of turmoil, no single logic seems logical enough. It is then that we must remember, as an axiom, that the only way to deal with grief, to have the capacity to deal with grief, is to move on; move on towards acceptance..

अजूनही...

कळी गोंजारली, फूल गोंजारले,
कळी विना फूल कुठे गं...
फूल उमलून मिटले तरीही,
गंध त्यातील मनात गं...

पाऊस येतो, पावसाळा मात्र,
पुर्विसारखा नाही गं...
पाऊस केव्हाच गेला तरीही,
डोळे अजुनही ओले गं...

चुकवत वाटा काढतो वाटा,
वाटा तेथे स्थळं गं...
स्थळांच्या वाटा पुसल्या तरीही,
आठवणी मात्र तशाच गं...

पालवी फुटे, तिला देखिल,
तीव्र उन्हाचे शाप गं...
दिवस संपला आता तरीही,
वणवा मात्र तसाच गं...

बसलो आता एकांती मी,
कुणास ठाऊक नाही गं...
दिवसामागून दिवस सरतो,
रात्र अजूनही तशीच गं...

निराशेतही आशा तू मला,
लपवून, लपवली नाही गं...
काळ्या भोर सागराला देखिल,
किनारे धूसर चोहीकडे गं...

-अभि

Walk on..

Walk on; the path untreaded..
Walk on; each turn is new..
Walk on; times are few..
Walk on.. yes I walk on..

Warm sunrise, far in the distance..
New hope, a new beginning..
Someone along, my heart is singing..
Walk on.. yes we walk on..

The sun is high, the air still..
I'm sure not, where we go..
I want you close, she's sure though..
Walk on.. still we walk on..

Clouds gather, the air is moist..
I've lost faith, turned away now..
Here I and there she, away we stand now..
Walk on.. she does walk on..

The sun is down, skies are wailing..
Here I stand, still, she's far now..
Drops falling hard, they're not same now..
Walk on.. I say in vain..

The night is dark, silence eerie..
The skies tired, now it's me..
Running I've come, forgive me thee..
To Him I pray, forgive me Thee..

I see the dark, I feel the frost..
Though path is lost, I know you can hear..
Take me along, don't leave me here..
Walk on.. together walk on..

Warm sunrise, been waiting long..
Still same hope, the same beginning..
Come along, my heart is bleeding..
By me walk on.. oh please walk on..

-abhi

Truth is stranger than fiction... (Part V)

"Would you like to drink something?"
Michael was brought to reality by the same dark man's voice. He simply nodded. Once the man was away to get a drink, Michael turned towards Daniel, taking a good long look at him before he uttered anything. Daniel did not seem surprised, he was rather expecting that stare; one full of questions, many of them.
"What.. happened.. How have you been?" were the only words Michael was able to get out.
He was finding it difficult to keep his voice steady.
"Still the same inquisitive nature.." Daniel spoke for the first time face to face with his partner after two years.
After a deep sigh, Daniel began...
“I woke up in a hospital room, back then. The only thing I remembered was the two.. objects hitting me.”
He was choosing his words carefully.
“The nurse kept telling me that I was shot at, but that was not what I wanted to hear. The next day two men came; agents. They said I needed to know something; and now it’s time you should too. I was taken to an underground facility in the desert. It was big and obviously out of the public eye. Few people in the bureau even knew it existed.”
Just then the dark man came back to serve their drinks. Michael looked at him, then at Daniel, making his suspicion apparent.
“It’s okay” Daniel nodded very slightly before continuing.
“It was a research facility; for the most bizarre and highly secretive of projects. Some would call it the lab of the future; for almost all the research carried out here was years ahead of anything seen outside. By the time the technology of this research was “cutting edge”, it was simply nostalgic for the people involved here, since they had moved on to other projects. Project Firefly was different.”
“It was not about using savaged alien technology from a fallen UFO?”
“That is just the cover up, since it wouldn’t attract much attention that way. It was not entirely untrue though. Most people thought of it as simply pulling out an engine from a UFO and putting it into one of ours, and boom!”
Michael couldn’t help a smirk considering the fact that he hadn’t thought much different either!
“It’s not that way. To start with, there’s no UFO involved. However, the technology that we have – learnt – in this case can be attributed beyond doubt to intelligent beings from outside our world.”
“And this has something to do with those objects that hit you..” Michael took out the two bullet-like objects he had kept with him for two years.
“It has everything to do with them! These pellets, what you’re holding Michael, are huge stores of information; unfathomable information. The two that hit me are identical to these. They were held in a cylindrical tubular structure, and designed to be “shot out” once their containers reached a high temperature. I was simply unlucky to be standing near one of those. There were two such cylinders buried into the meteorite.”
Michael’s mind raced fast to explore all possible implications.
“Someone had “placed” these into the meteorite.”
“But meteorites are moving at crazy speeds, which would make it impossible to..”
“NASA has already landed a small probe on an asteroid. Moreover, simply “shooting” such small cylinders at a high velocity would be sufficient to bury them into the meteorite.”
“You’re saying, someone far outside our solar system placed a package of information inside a meteorite, for a free ride across the galaxy?!” The words echoed inside Michael’s head.
“The capsules were just the protective casing. They had a highly polished, flat surface inside, held in place vertically by a series of membranes. Using a fine laser beam and continuously scanning the interior like the body scan, the capsules were cut open, taking care not to damage the flat surface. The capsule’s hardness was out of our current range of hardness which ends at diamond. It was estimated from the energy required by the laser, that the hardness of the surface was about four times that of diamond!”
“And then what? Our intelligent alien friends write a letter to us in Chinese and you simply get an interpreter to read it out for you?!” Michael had lost it! Anyone in his place would have.
Once he stopped smiling Daniel continued.
“You got the first part right. When we saw the polished surface under very high magnification, it appeared to be a very thin, semi-transparent plate, having a crystalline structure. Upon studying it further, several hundred irregularities were observed, what appeared to be.. etchings – symbols! For a long time no one was able to decipher these. However, when that was finally achieved, only a fraction of their “letter” was truly understood; this led to Project Firefly. The rest is for you to see yourself.”
“Are we going to the facility?”
Daniel smiled.

Truth is stranger than fiction... (Part IV)

As he watched the lights of the airport disappear below, everything from the past flashed in front of his eyes in a few seconds. Michael would never forget that day; the day that changed his life; the day that he lost a dear one; the day that shattered his most profound faith.
Michael and Daniel were on a routine patrol in their allotted sector that day. What was to happen was not routine. They were chatting away happily like they always did; for almost three years now. Michael and Daniel were field agents in the FBI. But they were more than just that; they were the best of buddies, since the academy. They would trust each other with their lives, and jeopardise their own if need be – way beyond the usual degree that other partners would. This duo was famous for surviving as a team in desperate situations in the call of duty.
“Attention all units! Proceed immediately to sector one-seven, repeat one-seven. Be advised, reports of unusual activity are coming in heavy”, the com unit in their vehicle blurted.
“Unusual activity?!” Michael exclaimed.
Daniel had already steered the vehicle off the road, into the desert sand; sector one-seven was nearby, but still a good fifteen minutes by road; this way they reached in five. They knew when they saw – their unusual activity was a meteorite! The reports would have been of UFO-crazy people flooding in calls to the bureau.

There it was – a solid mass of rock, about the size of their car, covered with deep cavities as seen upon approaching closer. Its surface glittered in the desert sun. Just as they were peering into the innumerable cavities, holes more so, they heard other vehicles coming to the site.
“This is Dr. Johnson from the Physics Department, University of Utah”, said one agent as he came near Michael and Daniel.
After brief handshaking, the PhD. in astrophysics began talking animatedly, without anyone asking any explanation in particular.
“This is what we were tracking for so many days!”
“Tracking? Who? You guys knew this was..”
Michael was cut short by Johnson, “For god’s sake yes! We track all possible
NEOs – that’s Near Earth Objects, and if this one is this big here, imagine what it would have been when it was coming!”
Johnson was obviously excited – more like a kid eying his Christmas present, ready to rip the wrapping apart! By now a lot of crowd had gathered around the fallen meteorite. The agents were busy setting up a perimeter of yellow tape around the object of great scientific value.
“Doctor could you please.. slow down a little..”, the third agent who had brought the doctor along spoke out.
But doctor was in no mood; he continued in his child like excitement.
“It’s just that we at the university were busy working on its trajectory, and other details since quite some time. You see, predicting the trajectory is very difficult, even of such a big ass – pardon me – meteorite, simply because it’s not orbiting our sun, and we don’t have much previous data on it.”
“You mean it’s..” Michael was finding this interesting, but was cut short again.
“Yes! It’s extra solar – not from our solar system! By studying its composition we can..”
Just then, there were two loud sounds in rapid succession; seemingly similar to gun shots. All the agents instantly drew their weapons from their holsters and were frantically scanning the crowd for anyone with a gun. They found none. Just then, Michael noticed Daniel had fallen to the ground, holding his chest. He immediately reached for the com unit in his car.
“Officer down, repeat officer down, request immediate medical backup!”
“Copy that, help is on its way.” The woman at the other end responded.
Her voice was as calm as was possible for her to maintain. An “officer down” is the last thing any dispatcher would want to hear, and this was the most unlikely times of all; the unit was not in pursuit of a suspect, nor was it raiding a hideout, nor was it engaged in a gun fight, nothing.

The day after the meteorite crashed, Michael felt a sudden desire to go out there and simply stand at the same place where he lost his dear friend. The place was still marked by a small flag, possibly by local amateur enthusiasts as a potential place to find a small piece of the meteoroid for their personal collection. As Michael stood there, he could feel the cold wind hitting his face. When he turned to head back, he noticed something sparkle in the sand below. He bent down to pick it up. There were two of those; he placed them on his other outstretched palm and looked at them closely. They were strikingly similar to riffle bullets, but only much heavier. The next day he went to his friend in the forensic department to have his opinion on the objects. Once under the microscope, his friend quickly dismissed it as any bullet. He then had it analysed at a more advanced lab for the objects’ material composition, to account for the abnormally high weight. Michael was speechless when his friend told him that the objects he analysed were of no known metals or alloys; their chemical structure was simply rejected by the computer as having absolutely no resemblance to any of the basic chemical structures in its database, which was exhaustive of all known elements!
“Are you telling me this thing is neither natural nor man-made?” Michael was sounding half mad to himself.
“In a word, yes” came the reply from his friend.
Next day, two days after the meteorite crashed, Michael got news that his friend at the forensic department died in a car accident. Someone also left a note in his car, asking him not to poke his nose into matters; else the consequences would be dire.

For the next two years, Michael would remember those two sounds distinctly. Nine minutes after he had made the distressed call, an ambulance arrived. Daniel was taken to a hospital, later shifted to an unknown location, and a month later declared missing. Michael tried hard to get to the root of everything, but someone high up in the bureau had taken care to tie up all loose ends; he had done a good job. The meteorite was shifted within the hour, to a “secure location” for scientific study; or so was told to the public. Desperate for answers, Michael tried his contacts on the inside, but every time, a dead end.

His most profound faith was shattered – his faith in the bureau.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!!

A great man once walked amongst us - he who dared to challenge all existing laws, the most fundamental laws, and bring in light a radically new theory, that would forever change the way in which we understand the behaviour of everything around us - from the tiniest of elementary particles to the working of the entire cosmos... We simply know him as Albert Einstein.

One of the outcomes of his famous Theory of Relativity is that time "dilates", or "slows down" as an object travels at very high velocities. This effect is more pronounced at relativistic speeds, that is to say at speeds near the speed of light. However absurd this may sound, it has been proven both theoretically and experimentally, beyond the shadow of doubt.

Here ends the physical aspect of time dilation. Can there be, or is there, another totally unconnected yet seemingly similar effect, psychologically? Can you be totally convinced that for a very small duration of time, the brain, under abnormal conditions of events, "stretches out" its sense of perception in time, to give a feeling that something is happening rather "slower" than it actually is? Mind you, I'm talking totally in the psychological sense, and I'm not insane enough to claim that the brain can reproduce "time dilation" in its true sense!

The reason for this weird chain of thinking is my recent accident. Following was the sequence of events - I was riding at about 60, signal ahead was green so the speed, a man came walking across the road much prior to the intersection, I was caught off guard, honked the horn and immediately let go of the accelerator, horn was still depressed and man was still just standing there right on collision course, I hit the brake and tried to steer clear, horn was still depressed and man was still in exact same spot looking at me dumb struck. Luck was not on my side. Oil was spilled on the road. As I initially hit the brake I realised this, since the bike was skidding, yet was recoverable, had the obstacle cleared by now and had I let go of the brakes. The obstacle was still in place. I knew where I was headed, but had no choice; I squeezed the brakes again, trying to maintain balance of the now very shaky bike, destined to fall on one side. Seeing me go down, the obstacle finally took two steps ahead, to get out of the crashing mass of my vehicle with me holding on. After the fall everything was more spontaneous and involuntary - I left the bike, and it went skidding, sideways now, about 20 feet away (I noticed after getting up).

I got up, went partially limping towards my obstacle, filled with rage and abusing on the way. A policeman came, supported me and guided me to the "chowky" just adjacent to the intersection. Another policeman started shouting at my obstacle, for trying to cross the road at the wrong place, despite a green signal for the traffic and despite seeing me approaching the intersection. It all ended 15 minutes later with me washing my wounds and hopping on my bike again and driving home. That night I got an xray done because the pain in my left wrist was excruciating. It is now in plaster, although there seems to be no apparent fracture or major dislocation. It will however be in plaster for 21 days since the doctor can't rule out the possibility of a small hairline crack which strangely enough is not seen in an xray for up to one week.

Getting back to the "time dilation" funda, when I think about it all, those few seconds just before the bike hit the ground, and few seconds of skidding, appear to be very prominent and strangely "slower" than the rest of the happening. By this I mean those 4-5 seconds passed in front of my eyes at that time and also pass in front of my mind's eye now, as though in slow motion! I know from sheer logic that at that speed it would have taken at the most 5 seconds for everything to happen, but it just felt so slow! I am forced to believe that something different goes on in our brain during such critical moments. For example, although I fell on the right side, my left wrist took all the impact, while my right hand was held above ground - why? Isn't it more natural or rather probable that my right wrist be injured?

It is a known medical phenomenon that the body has the capacity of sacrificial or preferential protection - for example, in conditions of hypothermia (extreme cold beyond the body's capacity) blood supply to vital organs is maintained at the cost of limbs being deprived of it. Similarly, does our brain process information from our sensory organs at a faster speed, allowing it to subconsciously take precautionary measures to preserve our body to the maximum extent? This faster-than-normal processing might explain the slowdown effect of time. Studies on house flea show that they see an approaching object "slower" than it actually is, and this explains their lightning fast reflexes when we try to hit them with a roll of paper. The fly is actually simply seeing the roll come slowly, thereby allowing it to avoid the roll effortlessly. Some may argue that it is the air movement caused by the motion that alerts the fly. However, last time I checked, the speed of light was faster than any air disturbance! ;-)

Whatever be the case, the human brain is and will perhaps always remain one of the most complicated wonders of nature to understand. As of now, it is estimated that we have understood only 10% of its functioning. Rather intriguing what all the brain might be capable of at full potential!

Kitties...

Kittens are one of the most adorable young ones of animals I feel... Not that I have seen young ones of many species, but they're better than human kids - for starters, they don't cry!
Just a couple of months back, a cat in the neighbourhood had a litter of kittens - three very sweet and innocent looking kittens. I was at once attached to the feline family, though ironically I'm not much of a fan of cats - the solitary, fully grown ones. I just somehow feel they are intrinsically not capable of loving humans the way their canine counterparts are. Cat lovers spare me, but this is just my personal observation, or better still, let's just dismiss it as a matter of individual like / dislike.
So coming back, I started playing around with the kittens, keeping milk and water for them, and simply observing them - all this from a distance. Once they realised I was no mean human set out to eradicate them, they became friends! They would come closer and closer to me as time passed, though it was a few days before I could actually touch them even. Mommy cat seemed to have no problem bringing her kids inside my house and playing around and even feeding them at one instant! Clearly she visualised me as no harm.
During my playtime with them I also clicked a lot of photos, out of which only a few came out nice, owing to the fact that it was really difficult to find a right opportunity, have my cam with me at that time, and clicking at that very instant - three independent factors!
Above I've put a couple of my favourite photos, the remaining can be seen here.

Truth is stranger than fiction... (Part III)

Michael had a gut feeling his holiday in Germany was going to be cut short by another urgent investigation; nothing unusual. But then, he never complained. The phone was picked up on the other end after the first ring.
“Agent Smith, this is urgent. Project Firefly is in its last stages. However there…”
“Project WHAT?! I thought that was nothing more than a bunch of UFO-crazy groups churning out fantastic stories!”
“It does exist. Please, you must hurry. A plane is waiting for you at the private terminal of the airport. I’ll explain everything once we’re in the air.”
“Some hospitality I must say!” murmured Michael.
“And Agent Smith… don’t forget your little souvenir from Utah you’ve been carrying with you for the past two years…”
Michael was frozen solid. He could feel every hair on his body stand on end. The only person who knew about it was dead in a car accident, two days after the incident in Utah. The only person he thought who knew about it.

He stood up, changed his clothes, stuffed his belongings in his suitcase, took out his berretta from beneath the pillow, shoved it into its holster, put on a jacket, wore his watch and shoes, and was down in the hallway of the hotel; four minutes flat. The clerk at the desk was a little more than just surprised to see a guest at this hour. Michael reached for his wallet.
“Where can I get a taxi?”
“But sir.. is there a problem? Is everything ok?” The clerk asked in a heavy German accent.
“Yes yes.. just an emergency back home..”
“You can get a taxi round the next corner sir.. but there won’t be any flights out till..”
He was cut short by Michael who placed a few currency notes from his wallet on the clerk’s desk. It was more than twice the room rent. Obviously the clerk didn’t mind at all.
Michael hurried to the nearest intersection and started looking frantically for a taxi. Few cars sped by in the chilly night. After a few minutes a taxi slowed by. Michael climbed into it.
“Flughafen.. Eile..”
“Ja” The driver said in a heavy German accent.
The drive to the airport took longer than Michael had thought. He quickly paid the driver, didn’t bother for the change, and was already at the entrance of the airport before the driver even left the driveway.

He approached one of the guards.
“die Möglichkeit, den privaten Terminal?”
The guard directed him to the other entrance that led straight to the private terminal. On his way Michael noticed an old man in a wheelchair, in rich suiting, being pushed by probably his attendant, another lady in heavy makeup with her poodle walking besides her in a perfectly trained manner, a man with a fur jacket puffing on his cigar looking out through the huge glass panes which made up the terminal corridor. “Obviously this place is for the rich” thought Michael.
Just as he was wondering what next, or rather what his caller had in mind, the dark man with the cigar walked briskly behind Michael. Before Michael could turn around to take a closer look, he felt something poke his back in the lower region. From the feel of it, he could easily make it out as the end of a silencer; the silencer of a small firearm, similar to his own.
“Keep walking..”, a low voice whispered in his ear.
Michael could feel the warm breath on his ear. The man behind had cleverly concealed his weapon under an overcoat which he held over his right hand, the one holding the pistol. As they both walked towards the end of the corridor, Michael noticed the security officers screening every traveller’s baggage through an x-ray unit. However, he knew it was mere formality. One thing good about private travel was that you could carry almost anything onboard so long as you had the right paper work. Then again, it was your own plane, so it was not surprising to have such a relaxation of rules from commercial airline travel, where obviously a lot more lives were at stake than your own! Michael had just begun wondering how the officers would react to this man holding him at gun point, but instantly the thought vanished. As they came closer, one of the officers looked at the dark man, and as though in recognition of a higher authority, slightly nodded his head. The other officer didn’t pay attention once he got a slight whisper from his colleague.
“My host has obviously got novel ways..” thought Michael.
Just past the security counter, they turned left and an stood on an escalator that led them straight down on the tarmac, in the private side of the airport.

Michael noticed the twin propellers of a Super King Air B200 parked a distance away, come to life.
“That’s our ride?” he asked in a half surprised tone.
The man behind didn’t answer. He just kept prodding Michael towards the plane. As they came near it, the door swung open, as if by itself. Michael didn’t need to be told what was expected of him. He climbed in. The dark man followed. The cabin of the plane lit up with warm lights throughout the ceiling along the length of the plane. The interior was custom made with a plush sofa on one side and a mini bar on the other. The moment Michael was waiting for finally came – his phone caller was sitting at one end of the sofa. Michael turned to face him as he climbed in the plane. He stood still. His friend from the dead signalled him to sit down and buckle up for the take off. As the Super King’s engines roared, Michael’s heart was beating fast.

Truth is stranger than fiction... (Part II)

0250
Somewhere in the Mediterranian

It was dark in the control room of USS Abraham Lincoln. Only green lights from the display panel lit the smoky air. She was a fine Nimitz class supercarrier; any captain’s pride, currently Captain Anderson’s. He was at his pipe, as always. The First Officer and other men in the room watched closely along with him at the big round dials of the radar.
“How are they doing now?” barked Captain Anderson.
“Falcon 1 – report status” the junior at the com unit spoke with hesitation. Only ten minutes before the Captain’s arrival he had seen his panel showing data no officer had seen before.
“This is Falcon 1. We are on course, bearing zero niner zero, holding speed nine-two-five-zero. We have structural damage, but we are stable and in control. Please advise.”
“Holy shit! That’s over Mach 12!” One of the other juniors whispered.
“Bring them around on course three-nine and get them on deck”, the Captain ordered.
“Falcon 1 – you are instructed to change your heading to vector three-nine and reduce air speed for final approach. You are cleared for landing.”
“Roger that.”

The blinking dot on the radar screen began to change its path as ordered, and suddenly the speaker in the room crackled to life –
“May-Day May-Day! This is Falcon 1. We have a rupture in the engine casing. We’re going in a spin! I… can’t reach…”
“Eject-eject-eject!” shouted the Captain. He knew he didn’t have to; his best men were in there; but that made matters even worse – he couldn’t afford to loose them.
“The thrust.. can’t reduce.. yaw rate is..”
Everyone in the room knew the consequences of a sudden and uncontrollable yaw rate – it was when an aircraft spun around its vertical axis as though someone had whirled it rapidly. It was the most dreaded situation of a pilot; in many cases he was never able to reach his ejection handle right in front of him and pull it, due to the high g-forces pushing him back in his seat with a force many times his own weight. Here, it would have been much more.
“The throttle.. not resp.. we.. hydrau.. fail..”

There was a huge static in the communication. Then it was over. There was a final beep on the radar screen before the dot disappeared. The room fell silent. Dead silent. Captain Anderson took off his cap and walked to his cabin.
“Set course for rendezvous with the Admiral’s convoy.”
“I I Sir. Setting course. ETA – thirteen hours.”

The following morning Mrs. Andrew was awakened by a phone call.
“Mrs. Andrew?”
“Yes.. May I know who’s speaking?”
“I am Captain Briggs from the Naval Headquarters. I’m afraid I have a bad news for you. Your husband Flight Lieutenant Pete Andrew was killed in an accident during a
routine exercise last night. I’m sorry Mrs. Andrew. ”
“No! He was a very fine pilot.. He couldn’t have.. It’s got something to do with that secret operation now isn’t it? Tell me.. I want the truth!”
“Please calm down Mrs. Andrew. The truth is, your husband was a very fine pilot indeed, but accidents do happen. I’m sorry but I am unaware of any secret operation.”
“I knew it all along.. I had told Pete not to sign up for anything dare-devil.. Why can’t you just tell me?! He had told me he was working on a.. a different project.. but he wouldn’t utter anything more..” (she started crying)
“Mrs. Andrews please control yourself. We are all sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest condolence. I shall get in touch with you shortly for the funeral service.”
Mrs. Andrew kept the phone down.